Did I mention I turned 34 in Vegas? I know it may not be a big deal to most people but I have to say I struggled. I don't have issues with getting "older"..I had issues with what I should be wearing and how I should be acting as an almost mid-30 range woman. I know that sounds really superficial and well...vain. And it is...I hope those of you that are reading this know my true deep and thoughtful side. Because if you don't know me this will come across as being quite shallow. Which I am not. Nonetheless, this was a crisis not only for myself but for Pete. Whew...I was so glad to have a partner in this superficial, vain and shallow journey. Somehow, it made it ok...at least for awhile.
But really I think it was more about how I define myself as a woman and what does that mean. Growing up my mother did not want me to cut my hair....it was virtuous to have long hair. Well, I haven't been virtuous for quite awhile now, so we can throw that charcteristic out the window. (just kidding mom) Seriously though, it is hard to figure this one out. I am a Mom and a Wife. I am a serious (albeit funny and sarcastic at the same time) Manager. I manage a 30 bed maximum security facility for juveniles. There crimes can range from theft to murder. I have 20 staff that I am responsible for
. However, I am stuck at the mindset of a 25 year old. Some people would say "well that is all that matters". But I have to find a balance. Although, I have a demanding job and I guess somewhat important job. I am known around the courthouse by some people as "that girl" or "kiddo" (the Judges like to call me that), some see me as no-nonsense (little do they really know about my personality) but I figure somehow this fits and it works. This is what I do know about my identity...I love being a Mom, I love that my husband and I can laugh at serious issues, I love my girls (dogs) who bring some balance to my life, I love my job, and I love my best friends...Koby and Kamili...who love me unconditionally...and manage to always keep me in check and remind me to be humble, I love my whacky, crazy, dysfunctional family (because it makes me feel somewhat normal at times), I love that I am still learning about life...(ok maybe LOVE is too strong of a word for that one) lets put it this way...I love that life seems to get better as I get older. And who knows....maybe I will start growing my hair out so that I can find virtue again in my life.
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